Hey, my man, can we share some space and rap for a minute? You know, break proverbial bread? I seen you ‘round, and you’s one cat who knows where his towel is, ya dig? But on behalf of the people that are really responsible for making sure you get to cash your paycheck, man, shut the fuck up. Seriously, kid. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. There’s a ton of things that, in your brash and uncultured idealism, you just don’t understand about the 2016 election. First on the list, my kind, gluten-free, locally-sourced brother/sister/friend/neighbor is:
Detached cynicism is the only way politics work for us, yuh heeeerd meh? I’m not sayin’ your vote doesn’t matter, it does- in its own sad little way, because we need to keep y’all active and engaged in being disappointed every election cycle. Without you, we lose money, and if we lose money, we might as well be the fucking Green Party. So let me ask you: how many people representing the Green Party are in Congress? Time’s up, muthafucka. None. You know why? Because those idiot hippies thought that their ideas would carry the day. Can you imagine how fucking gullible someone would hafta be to think that shit? This is American politics. Not a representative democracy. Those gawddamn peasants should know better. But enough about that. There’s another point that needs to be brought to attention.
You never really counted in the first place, because we already determined the outcome of this election. Sorry, kid, but people much older, wiser, and way the hell more rich than you have already cast the dice. This has been a war of attrition for decades, and you new or newer voters have only two choices: either throw down your weapons and declare allegiance to your masters, or die alone in the desert. Trying to bring attention to the fact that the game is rigged will only get you laughed off the stage.
This election is about holding onto the White House and changing the 5-4 dynamic of the Supreme Court. It’s not like we don’t have the resources, infrastructure, or people on the ground to make an actual paradigm shift happen- we just don’t get paid from those people. The simple fact is, if there ever was a time for a political revolution in this country, it would be right fucking now. We’re on the cusp of a moment in American history that we’ve really never seen before. People who believed in something in the 60’s are old now, and their hope is as gray as their hair. The idea that people power could have an impact on our society has been so thoroughly ground away that only a few are left to speak about it, and we fucking love that. This is a new century. A century full of the same back-room deals and corporate meddling that so many who are now in a position of authority once decried. If you don’t want that to happen to you, kid, you’ll toe the fucking line. Which brings me to my final point:
Why can’t you little shits just understand that table scraps are better than starving? It’s clearly always worked before- because any time someone points out that it isn’t working, we silence them. So it must work. Being a part of the fringe is seriously kick ass when you’re young and stupid. You get to feel like you are stickin’ it to the Man, man. You just didn’t ever think that your party, your people, your representatives would become the Man. You simple, ignorant fucks. Money runs our world. We have no qualms sending you, your kids, or your friends to fight and die so that we can make more money and further influence the outcome of your menial lives.
So act like your candidate matters. It’s adorable. Act like you have a voice. It’s precious. We need that shit. We need you just mad enough to show up every couple years until we can distract you with the same social issue bullshit we’ve distracted you with for years. Your energy isn’t wasted; rather, it is vital. It feeds our coffers and election by election makes you hate this process so much that you’ll accept willingly whomever we throw at you, knowing that it’s a terrible choice, because we won. Just don’t get any fucking crazy ideas like trying to change our system, or we’ll burn you alive and snort your ashes off the Constitution.
Sincerely, and will best regards to you in your future endeavors,
The People In Charge