Step right up, step right up, step right up,
Everyone's a winner, we got candidates for sale!
democracy galore,
That's right, you too can be the proud owner
Of the candidate favored most by Wall St. before the sale goes on
One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got reciprocation after sales
You need sound bites, we got sound bites how 'bout an coronation crown?
Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
Something for the little lady, hmm
Two terms for a dollar
We got recycled failed campaign strategy, we got a white sale
And a smoke-damaged hackneyed talking points, you can drive it away today
Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
They come in all colors, one size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of the GOP
Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
Going out of business sale
Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it? how do we do it? donations, donations, keep up those donations
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
Don't be caught with your drawers down,
Don't be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up
That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
any meaningful progressive legislation passed with a conservative House
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up
'Cause it forges your signature
If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase- just kidding suckers
Step right up
Please allow 9 months to 17 years for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations
particularly if those bastards are trying to sell you a different form of democratic
socialism that hasn’t been approved by our sponsors,
You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it,
Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it, provided you’ve previously paid the price
of admission by donating heavily to this campaign or our political action committee
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right
And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party? Fuck no, you’re the only one at this party
Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
See you later alligator
And it steals your voice to achieve one person-one vote
It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
It's a friend, and it's a companion,
And it's the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing,
well, occasionally, but mostly because of the immediate reaction from
the internet when your surrogates are caught in outright lies
Don’t worry ‘bout that, don’t worry ‘bout that, don’t worry ‘bout that
You’ve always got Chris Matthews
Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
Never needs winding, never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,
Mostly cause by your miraculous ability to both applaud Kissinger and
applaud for the Veterans Administration at the same time
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
It gives you an erection, it wins the election
Why put up with painful politicians any longer?
It's a redeemable return on your investment, just sign on that line,
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
We need your business, we're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our end of oligarchy sale
Receive our free brochure, free 85 emails a day
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, integrity not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
Step right up, step right up, step right up
You got it buddy: the large donations reciprocate, and the small donations don’t mean shit
Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
C'mon step right up
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,
C'mon and step right up